May 7th, 2012

Yep, still pregnant! Haha. I think it's true.

We swore we were going to wait until after the first trimester to announce it, and we haven't said anything on Facebook yet, but practically everyone knows. Your dad can hardly contain himself. I'm still in disbelief, so I just sort of announce it casually, mid-conversation, like I'm chatting about a new pair of shoes.

The other day, during Saturday night service for Liberty Offering at church, me, your Auntie Jen and Lindsay, Bekah and Katie D were standing in the hallway. In an effort to fill a silence, I announced to Katie and Bekah, "Hey, so, did you guys hear I'm pregnant?"

Shrieking ensued. They hadn't known, and watching their faces was the best thing ever. I may do that from here on out... no super suspenseful build-up, just a casual side conversation. And watch the jaws drop! Hahaha.

So, I'm sick. Not like, nauseous and can't eat sick (although, nothing sounds good right now), but "excruciating head cold but can't take any meds" sick, which might be worse. Dad's slept on the couch two nights in a row now, because I am such an avid nose blower. He doesn't get it. Last night, I stuck my face into a jar of Vick's vapor rub, just in the hopes of some quick relief.

I hate having a cold. There's nothing worse than the nagging agony of sinus pressure and a scratchy throat.

Although, labor is probably worse. I'll check back in 9 months.

Oh, and side note: went to the doctor last Wednesday - took a urine sample AND a blood test, just to confirm I was indeed pregnant... haha. I'm a doubter, clearly. I need the proof. Dr. Taggert called me back on Friday to tell me that my HCG levels are measuring at several weeks pregnant... so, I'm guessing I'm about 6 weeks along, which means you might be a Christmas baby!

That's pretty exciting. I'm gonna be a mom, THIS YEAR.

No. Way.

Dad Me!!!!

This is such a surreal post to write.

Your mom and I started writing this blog when you were just a hope and a dream. Today that hope and dream (you) is growing in your mom's belly right now.

I've thought about this day for so long. I always wondered how it would play out. Would it be this big extravagant reveal, or would it be a quiet celebration. Either way, I will never forget the way my heart felt when your mom showed me the test. I'll never forget the look on your moms face, even through the pure and utter panic and fear the beauty and radiance that I saw reminded me of the day we got married, or the day I asked her to marry me.

I can't believe that I'm going to be a dad.

My prayer for today is that I hope I can be the sliver of a dad that your grandpa is. His patience, persistence, heart, love for me and your aunties has helped to shape me into who I am today.

I can't wait to meet you!!!

May 1st, 2012

An update. Because I'm too lazy to be witty:

• Waiting for insurance to kick-in
• I get morning sickness at night
• I took my first "pregnancy picture" last night
• I'm so exhausted, I could fall asleep mid-conversation
• Need to get to the doctor. I need to find out how big you are!

April 25th, 2012

I'd been feeling a little strange for the past month. Not bad, just... strange. I felt a little queasy at night before bed, mainly. Just to be safe, I thought I should pick up a pregnancy test on a nightly shopping trip for dinner ingredients (taco cupcakes, which I will probably remember forever).

I think in my heart, I knew. My mind was laughing at me for being a typical over-reactor, but my heart knew. My body knew.

Pregnant. Pregnant. & Pregnant.

2011 Christmas Card

Stationery card

View the entire collection of cards.

So Be It

I'm sure God's laughing at that statement, since he already knows the day and hour... But. I've been thinking about you a lot, lately.


If my life changes drastically, like I know it will... So be it. I'm pretty sure your dad and I can handle it :)


If it's the worst pain I've ever felt... So be it. Because I can feel the pain, I know I'm alive and well.


We already have a lengthy list of girl games, so maybe I should get to work on a boy list... I like to be prepared.

We used to have a dog name Lennon...

But he just chewed up your Dad's nice tennis shoes.


If you're reading this, and you never met Lennon... it's probably because he's buried in Grammy & Opa's backyard.

Just kidding. He would never hurt Lennon. But I'm pretty sure Lennon is grounded for a long, long time.

Hallmark Who?

I stood in the greeting card aisle for a good thirty minutes the other night, trying to pick ourt an Anniversary card for your dad.

Literally. I probably read every single card they had to offer, and each one, I sighed/scoffed and threw the card back on the shelf.

Hallmark really knows how to ruin things. I would find a visually appealing card, one that wasn't too over the top, and start to read the wording... and would nearly vomit. I mean, it was nothing short of a "Roses Are Red" poem. I can't GIVE THAT to my husband! How embarassing. And really, telling him that I "love him more than there are grains of sand on the beach and stars in the sky"? That's original.

The lesson here: you can never trust a Hallmark card. They are cheesy and overdone. If you need to find one in a pinch, try to find an understated card or start with a card that is blank on the inside, and write your own message. Hallmark tries too hard, and sometimes, the only thing that needs to be said is: I love you more than words can express, so I'm not even going to try.

Hallmark, if you're reading this: I'm willing to work freelance for you, so that your cards don't suck so badly. Call me.

Love Oh Love; Careless Love

October 8th 2011 - year 1 down! That was fast!


Your mom and I just celebrated our first year of being married. What an incredible year it has been. Filled with so many different memories and trials, some really great times and some times of learning what to do and not do.


I've learned so much over the past 12 months. I've learned what true unconditional love is. I've learned what consistency is, and why its so important. I've learned order rather than chaos. I've learned how to compromise, rather than pushing to get my own way. I've learned how to throw away my agenda for the good of both of us. I've learned how to love CARELESSLY.


You see, for so long I felt like love was something I had to study. I felt like love was something that you only really understood when you got older (by now you are probably reading this saying "you are older"). What I'm finding out is that love is not meant to be studied more then its meant to be felt. If you give love too much attention, you tend to over think it, overreact, and destroy something that is so pure and true. Loving carelessly isn't being irresponsible, and isn't giving up either. It's realizing that TRUE LOVE is such a uniting force that it doesn't take work, studying or trying.


Moral to this story is:


When I met your mom, we found out very quickly that our friendship/relationship/marriage didn't take work. It grew naturally; it wasn't something studied and thought about for a long period of time. It was just RIGHT. And thats my prayer for you. That you love carelessly. That you find that one person that fits/thats right and you spend the rest of your life having fun and taking chances.

It's never too late

"Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame." Psalm 34

I read this verse this morning and was moved. I'm at a time in my life right now where I've moved beyond my past and can laugh at my mistakes, but there was a time when I was so disappointed by my actions that I could barely look at the girl in the mirror. Did I really become all that I said that I wouldn't? Do I deserve the happiness I long for?

Well, I did become what I said that I wouldn't, and guess what? I still deserved happiness, and there was still time for me to turn around and walk the other direction. There's always time. On one hand, life is but a vapor and passes so quickly... but on the other hand, you can change things within a single moment. With a single decision. You can turn from your ways and walk with Him after wasting years of your life on things that don't matter, and live a Godly life... and that is ALL that matters to Him. Time is only relevant to us. In His eyes, time stands still. Life is a beautiful contradiction.

God makes beautiful things out of dust, and He takes great delight in cleaning you up and lifting you from the ashes. Don't linger in disappointment, and don't dwell in a place that seems too dark to remain.

I was invited to church when I was 22. I was in a bad place - not bad as in "criminal" or anything, but bad as in "I was lost and broken" - and I was seeking. I was seeking, and I didn't even know it. 

Write these names down, if you need to: Ashley and Richard Barnes asked me to come to church one Sunday afternoon, and I went. I went because my friends and I agreed to go together.... we all went that first Sunday on a rainy Washington morning, and I never looked back. In fact, I kept going to church from that morning on... even when I went by myself. I was finally home.

I looked to Him when I didn't even realize what I was doing, and He made me radiant. Piece by piece, He rebuilt the life I'd made a mess of... He remade me into something beautiful, and confident. He guided me, step by step, toward my future husband - the man I prayed for daily, for years and years - and he brought people into my world that saw my potential beneath the surface, and invested time and love into my life. He gave me opportunities, a support system, a marriage, a platform and a voice.

Invest in the people around you. Lead by example. Decide what you want for your life, and pursue it, but pursue it with Him in your heart first.

Look to Him, and don't look away.